Winter Walk

I went to the woods today.
I walked the dog along the snowy paths.
I saw evidence of life everywhere amongst the dead of winter.
The flame of the red berries still clinging to the bush
The tracks of rabbits, deer, other dogs and people.
The nests of leaves high in the trees with the heartbeat of a squirrel at their core.
Geese headed in no particular direction.

I walked along the ice-choked creek.
I saw the contours of the land like I had not seen them in a while.
Summer hides them under the grasses and other plants.
Winter bares all.
But in the barrenness, there is promise.
There are seeds everywhere, waiting for the wind to carry them on to their next destination
Waiting to burst forth with the warmth of the spring and summer.

The same holds true for me.
There is promise and evidence of life ready to burst forth.
I look forward to the growth and the challenge of commingling my life with someone new.
And I relish the ability to feel and experience it all.

Happy Thanksgiving

Greetings internet!

Yes, once again, I have been lax in posting. My life has been busy and full.

As far as this holiday is concerned I have much to be thankful for. First and foremost that I am healthy and, while some of you may hear me complain about my work, I am very fortunate to still have a good job that pays my bills and then some. I am thankful for all the little things that we all sometimes take for granted; the love and adoration of my furry kids, the beautiful world around me, the home that I live in and the ability to appreciate things for what they are.

I have met some amazing women in the last few months. I am thankful for all of them, the good and the not so good. The good cause me to try and be a better person and the not so good make me realize how good my life is and how far I have come and how much I have grown in the last year. I am thankful that I can say that I have not had any major losses in my life. In speaking with one of the people that I have recently met, I found out that she has lost a child and the love of her life. I can say that I have not had to unexpectedly say good-bye to anyone.

I am thankful for the impending change in our government. While I am very worried about the economy, I think we may be on an upward trend and as uncomfortable as change can be, I think this one is a very good and very necessary change.

Most of all, though, I think I am thankful for the people that I consider my friends in this life. I won't name them here. If you are one of them, you will know you are amongst the people I care about.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. May you find yourselves blessed today and everyday and may you find something that you can be thankful for.

Carol

Message to AB

My apologies to Streetsweep for stealing her format, but I need to do this now.

You know who you are, AB. You are the person that I gave my all to for almost two years. You are the person that kept me from my relationship of seven years. You are the person who committed a felony to buy your kid a cell phone. You are the person who is the most worthless, conniving, lying, piece of shit that has ever walked the face of this earth.

You send emails speaking your lies. You know how I know you are lying? Either your lips are moving or you are typing. You talk about the things that I have said, when I know full well, that I have not said them.

Just remember, I was the one who walked away from you this time and it was YOU who begged me to come back into your life. You know, my life may be lonely, but it's ALL mine now. When you were in it you demanded and demanded and demanded everything I had. I gave you my all and more and you were still left wanting more from me. When I broke free from your power, I looked back at my life with you and discovered that in the time that I hung out with you, I hadn't done anything that I loved to do. I quit listening to music I liked, I quit reading, I quit taking the dog out to the woods. I avoided the people in my life that were good for me, to hang out with you.

After I stopped talking to you the first time, I was ashamed to let people know that I was talking to you again. ASHAMED. I know why now. It's because you finally showed yourself to be the piece of shit that you truly are. For the record, I have not spoken to the person you referred to in your last email to me. I have not made any attempt at contacting her. And I avoid the acquaintance, that you spoke of, like the plague because I don't need the drama that surrounds her and her relationship with you. Funny thing about the truth is that it holds up. Not like all the lies you told everyone in your life. If the right people are talked to, the truth comes out. I know the truth about the rape (I know that it was consensual) and about the bruise on your face (that you had it coming).

Fortunately for you, the only feelings that I have for you are feelings of pity. I feel sorry that you are so miserable that you take everything and everyone in your life and try to bring them all down to your level so you can have everyone as miserable as you are. I was there for a little while. I truly was. But I found my voice and my spine and I walked away from what I knew was wrong.

Stay out of my life AB. Leave me alone and mind your own damn business.

C-roll's Adventures in Dating

So, I have been talking to this woman from here in town for the last week or so. She seemed ok (read: relatively normal). One thing that she was doing, that should have raised a red flag, however, was that instead of typing the word “cool”, she substituted it for “kewl”. Yup, should have known with that piece of information ALONE.

I had talked to her a few times online and we had what I perceived to be normal conversations. She messaged me Sunday afternoon to see if I wanted to meet her in downtown Champaign for a bit. It was late in the afternoon, so I had to decline. I was in for the rest of the evening. I had supper in the oven and had put on some comfortable clothes to lounge in.

I made the mistake of letting her know that I was not working yesterday. I actually asked her if she wanted to meet and she said yes. I had some things to do yesterday, hence the reason for the day off of work, and told her that I would meet her at 3 PM at the local organic grocery / coffeehouse. I get there early because I haven’t had lunch; I have a book with me and the crossword from the Sunday paper. I go in and get a cup of coffee and a bowl of soup and some bread and sit down outside. I am happily eating my soup and drinking my coffee. I crack my book and start reading and into the lot drives a black Dodge pickup. I knew that was her because she had told me what she drove. I am wondering what this woman looked like. I didn’t know. She had seen a picture of me, so she had an idea of what I looked like.

She gets out. I spy her from afar. I try not to make any quick judgments, it just isn’t fair. I am there with an open mind. She walks up and introduces herself. I am seated and comfortable and she sits down. We say our introductions and I tell her that if she wants to go in and get something to drink that she can, so she goes inside and comes back out a few moments later with a can of flavored mineral water. Ok. My first impression? RUN! I don’t, much to my chagrin.

She sits down and starts talking, and talking, and talking, and talking. She tells me about her dogs and her neighbors and her maladies. She tells me about the new Meijer store and about how much she walks the dogs and that she can’t take her dogs where there are a lot of people because they are out of control. Then she starts talking cryptically about her past relationships. That she is really not out to her family and her sister knows and her grandma knew, but her mom and dad don’t know. Then she goes back to her maladies and because of an injury, she has trouble using the toilet and I am thinking “oh my God is she really telling me this?” Then she tells me that because of this issue her attorney has decided that she needs a bidet installed and she asks me if I have ever used one and I decline to answer. Then she is talking about how much she spent on a bed and that it barely fit in her bedroom, but it was the bed that she wanted, and it won’t ever come out, but it’s in there. And then she tells me about her big screen TV and how that was huge too and that she won’t ever be able to get it out of the house either.

Then I find out that she lives about a block from me and she now knows where I live too. Uh oh. Yea, so if you ever want to come and visit me? Call me first so I know you are coming. I am not going to answer the door anymore, not for ANYONE.

Now it is nearly 5:30 PM. I have been sitting since 2:15 or so, I am getting tired . . . of listening to the meaningless blather and TMI, TMI, TMI. I start to stretch and say, well, I should really get going and she keeps talking. I get up and clear my dishes and take them inside and instead of her going to her truck to leave, she is standing out by my scooter. ACKKKKK! I want to go home. So I have to answer a bunch of questions about that. Then I am standing there in my helmet with my keys in my hand waiting to hop on my ride and she’s still talking. I finally get on the scooter and get it started, she gets the drift. I head out, but purposefully head home a different way than the direct route, so she doesn’t follow me or I don’t follow her. I don’t need her hanging around my house.

So the score with dating: C-roll: 0, Opponents: 1.

I hate my life.

NEW TOGS

Preface: I am cheap. I have learned from my parents and grandparents that frugality is not necessarily a bad thing. I own a 1994 Ford Ranger pickup that averages about 20MPG. My little truck runs great and has just over 100K miles on it and with the state of the economy, there is no new vehicle in my near future. So, my current commuter vehicle is a 50cc, two stroke, Kymco scooter. I get between 60-80MPG and am currently spending about $12 a week on gas. My top speed on said scooter is 40mph. I am not sure how to figure wind chill, but I will say that it gets cold when I am out in the early morning. The temperatures have been averaging in the upper 30s this week. Yea, DAMN cold.

I am also one of those people who are always warm. I will wear shorts through December. I like wearing shorts because my place of employment keeps things far too warm for someone like me.

I went to Farm and Fleet last night. My goal was to come out of there with a pair of insulated bib overalls. I checked the site online and was looking to see what they had. I could not find anything that would really fit with what I wanted.

When I got in the store, there were coveralls galore. I started at the front of the store. I tried on several pair of F&F’s Work and Sport brand. They were nice and not priced too high, $60. I had picked out a pair that I wanted and then wandered further back into the store. I found the Carhart aisle. All I needed to do was look at the price of those bad boys to know that I wasn’t getting any Carhart brand. They were over $80 for pretty much the same piece of clothing.

Then I went down another aisle where I saw all the RealTree coveralls and thought I might find something there. Voila! I did. I found the Walls brand. Same bibs, same quality, same warmth. Different price. These were only $40. I tried them on and they fit. I went to the front of the store, and paid for my goods and put them on in the parking lot. I am on my scooter. I ride home with my new bibs on. I have shorts on and I am nice and toasty warm.

The whole point to this post is this: WHY THE HELL DID I NOT BUY THESE BEFORE NOW?!?!?!?! I used to work for my parents in northern Wisconsin where the actual winter temperature can hover around -20 for a week at a time. I used to freeze my ass off. I used to try and make due with jeans and long johns. Oh the humanity!!!

A feminist's view on Palin

The reason that we should all be very afraid of the McCain/Palin ticket. This is Kathleen Parker's opinion on the whole thing.

Autumn Cycle

Fall is in the air. It is nearly October. The corn in this vast prairie, where I live, is ripening and rustling in the fields, the beans are turning from green to yellow to brown and the trees are beginning to show autumn’s fiery paintbrush in yellow, orange and red.

The early morning air is crisp and clear, the days are warm and the nights return to their coolness when the sun retreats on the western horizon.

After I am ready for work and I leave the house, I spend the next glorious half hour in the dim of the early morning. I don a sweatshirt, jacket, gloves and my helmet and hop on my scooter. My ride to work is a calm and head clearing start to my day. There is minimal traffic. The bracing coolness on my exposed skin chases any sleep from my body. I am awake. I am alive.

I arrive at work and step into the cacophony of conveyors and fork trucks. I stop for a moment and drink in the warmth of the building and the liquid of my coffee. I anticipate the outcome of the day and what I need to do to make sure that the work gets done on time. I listen to people complain about their co-workers. I watch as employees work hard and do their best and am honored that they give me their all. I commend them. We get the job done, as a team. It is satisfying and the day is over.

I step outside. I breathe in the warmth that has replaced the cool of the morning. I pack up my jacket and sweatshirt and hop on my scooter for the second time. The air is balmy and warm and there is no need for gloves. I ride towards home. There is more traffic than this morning. I take the scenic route home, along the cemetery, by the woods. I drive from sunshine to shadow and the temperature of the shade hits my face and arms and cools me. It reminds me that the winter months are coming.

I arrive at home and am greeted by my dog. We play catch in the yard or head to go chase rabbits or squirrels in the woods. Worn out, we head back home. We eat our supper. We lay on the couch. We ready for bed.

Night has fallen and my energy wanes. It’s time for bed. I sleep the sleep of infants, deep, unencumbered and wake the next morning to start the cycle again.

Wednesday Rant

Excuse me sir, what did you say?
You shout so loud it’s hard to tell
You say that I should change my ways
Or I am surely bound to Hell.

Well I know you’d damn me if you could
But my friend that’s simply not your call
If God is great and God is good
Why is your heaven so small?
~Susan Werner


I have been very introspective of late. This doesn’t happen very often and I am not often this quiet. Life is pretty good and the job hasn’t even been too bad. I am not sure what is causing my deep thought.

I happened to be listening to some music last night while I was online researching wind and solar power (I am excited to potentially start using less fossil fuel to heat my house). I started with the only Indigo Girls album that I cannot sing all the words to but then I remembered Susan. Susan Werner is a very versatile female folk artist. I have seen her in concert and actually met her and talked to her twice. I first heard her music one Sunday afternoon as I was driving from eastern Wisconsin back home to the western half of the state. She was being interviewed on NPR’s Weekend All Things Considered. She sang three songs on that show that all touched my heart and caused me to desire to find out more about her.

I started doing some digging. This was in the very early days of the internet and I did not have access because I lived out in the middle of nowhere. I found out that she was a classically trained musician in opera and that she decided at some point in her life to ditch her degree and pursue what she loved. She is a magnificent songwriter, an excellent pianist and guitarist and has the voice of an angel.

I have loved all of her music. Her early work was very “folky” and she has done a few covers that are wonderful (Vincent and Everybody’s Talkin’). She has done an album of torch songs and has some nice up-beat tunes. Her last album was a collection of tunes in a gospel fashion. The Gospel Truth is a collection that has been called “agnostic gospel”.

Like the quote at the top of this entry, she pokes fun at the people who are quick to preach about something and are so zealous that one cannot tell what they are zealous about. Listening to this album last night drew me further into myself.

Another of her lyrics goes “How do you love those, who never will love you, who are happy to throw you, out in front of the train.” I know that feeling. I know that there are a lot of people in the world that will not accept me for who I am. Granted, I don’t always take people at face value, but I sure try. To those of you who are reading this and think “well, I’d accept you if . . .” then that isn’t true acceptance. Sorry, putting a condition on it is like saying “I’d love you if . . . “. That just doesn’t fly here.

Illinois Monsoon

Basement - wet but not flooded
Sump Pump - new submersible
Water Heater - dried out and functioning
Phone - died but got a spare from the ex
Cleo - MIA

Yea, it's been a full day for me. I went downtown to meet up with a friend of mine this morning. She never showed. I get home around 12:30 because I am reading the paper, working the crossword and just generally waiting for the rain to let up so I don't get drenched leaving the coffee shop. I step in the house and immediately know that there is something wrong, I hear the sump pump running, but it sounds strange. I head downstairs and don’t even have to get a step down to see that there is much water in the basement. I go down and step off the bottom step into about 8 inches or so of water. I pull the plug on the pump and disconnect it from the outlet pipe. The water is back flowing into the basement. I try and pull the fittings off the wet sump by hand. I can't. I curse and cut my finger for the first time. I am now bleeding from the back of my thumb.

I go upstairs (water is still running at a very high rate from the outlet) and run out to the garage. Grab the pipe wrench and head back downstairs. I get the pipe off the pump and get it on the backup pump. I go to connect the outlet to the sump and get drenched. I feel like I am being water tortured (which doesn’t take much for me). Water is spraying in my face, I am not happy. I get things connected and plug the dry pump into the outlet, verrrrry carefully. . . yea, not a fan of stray electricity either. I put the pump in the hole and it is running, but doesn’t sound good. I try and put the pump all the way in the hole and the motor is submerged, it isn't a sealed motor. I pull it back up and sit there holding it for a few minutes listening to it, and watching the water not going down in the basement. I swear. . . loudly. About this time I realize that the water heater element is probably under water. I shut the gas off and turn the temp gauge on the water heater off.

I shut the pump off and pull the plug again. I call my ex. I can't do this alone. I tell her that the sump pump is kicking my ass and she says that she will be right over. I look at my options and discover that the only thing that we can realistically do is route the water out one of the basement windows. I send her to the hardware store with my debit card. She comes back with 50 feet of 1" hose, hose clamps and the correct fitting to go onto the sump so that we can attach the hose. She rocks! We get that set up and get it pumping out the window out away from the house. I set the other pump back in the hole and sit there holding it so that the motor isn't submerged. I watch and watch and watch and watch, the water level isn't moving, not going up, not going down. About 10 minutes later, still not changing. And the sump that I am holding is getting hot and starts to smell bad. It kicks off, trips the breaker and the other one shuts off. I swear again . . . loudly.

I get the breaker tripped back on. Get the other sump running out the window again and we go upstairs. I get online to look at the big box hardware stores to see what they have available for sump pumps. I call Home Depot to see what they have left, anticipating that everyone is needing one today. They have one, Julie goes to get it. We get it hooked up, I cut the same thumb for the second time, this time bleeding fairly badly, and in the hole. It's PUMPING AWAY! Now, I watch and watch and realize that the water level has started to go down. YAY!

We go upstairs and about a half hour later, go back down. We can see cement that isn't covered with water. I try and light the pilot on the water heater. No dice. It's still damp and has water in it. I remove the access cover and we set up a fan and a space heater to try and dry it out.
Julie goes home. I get a phone call, I am talking on the phone and the person on the other end can no longer hear me. My phone crapped out. I don't have a home phone. I need a phone, I text Julie and ask her if she still has her old phone. She does. I make arrangements to go and get it. I go down and try and get the water heater going. I am wet, dirty from crawling around on the wet basement floor and I cannot get the effing access panel back on the water heater. I finally get it back on and get the pilot lit. So, whew, no need for a new water heater.

I go to Julie's to get the phone. I come back. We had noticed when Julie was here earlier that my female cat was not about, which is unusual for her. So, I start looking for Cleo. I still have not found her. I am not sure where she would be. I have looked everywhere. No Cleo. I am worried but not too worried, and still thinking that she will come out from her hiding place or show up outside.

So that was my Sunday. I am exhausted. I didn't get ANYTHING done that I wanted to get done today. I hope this isn't an omen of the week to come. . . I don’t know if I can survive much more.

On the bright side, Cleo crawled out of her hiding place. Ahhh relief.

I'm B O R E D!!

Yes, bored. I would love to spend my time outside, sitting at a coffee shop reading a newspaper, magazine or a good book or hanging out by water somewhere. But I am stuck at work and bored.

It is a beautiful early autumn day outside and I have to be at work. The skies are clear, the air is crisp and everything is still green and I have to be at work. I have to listen to the whir of the conveyors and the honk of the horns on the equipment instead of the birds and the sound of the breeze. I have to sit at a desk or pack pallets instead of lounging outside in the back yard on my hammock or walking in the woods with my dog. I have to wear steel-toed shoes and socks instead of running around in my sandals or barefooted. I have to stare at a computer screen instead of peering at life through the lens of my camera.

You see, there are many things that I would rather be doing than work. However, my work ethic keeps me coming to work every day at 6:30 am and staying until at least 3:30 pm. I think I got that from my parents and working on the farm. The cows don’t take days off, so we couldn’t either and my father was and is a firm believer in the old adage “Make hay while the sun shines”. So if the sun was out and there was hay to harvest, that’s what we were doing. I also have a mortgage to pay and I need a new car, so I will continue to work. But it will not keep me from longing to be out in the crisp autumn days of west-central Illinois and will not quench the desire to be out on my bike in the middle of no where, dodging the wooly worms on the road, with the wind at my back.

*Sigh!*

Chicago

So I made the trek to Chicago on Sunday. I drove my little truck up to University Park and jumped on part of Chicago’s marvelous public transportation system, paid my $5 (no trip limit all weekend, a better bargain, you will not find) and rode the train into the heart of Chicago. I got off the train at what used to be called the Randolph Street Station, but has been renamed Millennium Station for the park that has been created across Michigan Avenue. I had an hour to think about what was going to happen once I got there and by the time I stepped off the train I was shaking like a leaf.

I met a wonderful woman there. We wandered around Millennium Park and just sat and talked for about an hour. We had been emailing back and forth and had spoken on the phone for one long conversation and a couple of times after that, but we had never done the face-to-face thing. It was good to see her and meet her and just hang out with her.

I will interject that there had been a huge hatch of dragonflies by the water and they were EVERYWHERE. It was a lot of fun to watch them fly around our heads and light on the flowers and grasses in the gardens that we passed through.

We talked about everything: Politics, growing up, the weather, jobs, work history, animals, the dragonflies, etc. Then we went and ate some lunch and wandered about the city a little more. I had my own private walking tour of the riverfront and we wandered around just looking at the buildings and the architecture up and down the streets. She is beautiful, intelligent, witty and fun to be around. I like her a lot, but there were no sparks. D A M N I T! I am pretty sure that she felt the same way, so I guess we’re on the same page. It was nice and I want to keep her friendship because she is a person of substance and makes me want to be a better person. I kind of knew that this was where we were at, but you have to take a closer look sometimes, hold things up to the light and examine them.

I know it sounds like I am being ungrateful. But I am grateful. She showed me parts of the city I had never seen before and she gave me a true Chicagoan’s appreciation of that city and I have a new friend, someone that I can talk to and listen to and have a new reason to go to Chicago. The “wins” in the situation far outnumber the losses.

I guess I will go back to the old drawing board and trust that the Universe has something bigger and better in mind for me. And, yea, there are no U-Haul’s in my immediate future. . .

New Beginnings

I have placed my face on a singles website: Tangowire.com. And I have a couple of pictures of my mug there and along with a little bit of information about me. I have had a few people email me and say, “Hey! What’s shakin’?!” And I have emailed several people and got ZERO response. It’s pretty rude if you ask me at least have the decency to say that you aren’t interested.

The most recent was a young lady from Missouri. I will not divulge the city or the name to keep her out of this venue. This young lady is 25. I will be 43 in November. She contacted me and I asked her why she did. Her response: She said that I looked like I was very huggable and a lot of fun. Hmm. . . how does one take that? So she starts emailing me, never mind that I was a senior in high school the year she was born, and says that she really wants to get to know me. Okayyyyyyyyyy. So I start telling her stuff about me. The things I like to do, that I don’t take my work too seriously, that I like to be outside, where I grew up, all that stuff. And then she asks me if I have AIM or something to chat with. . . and I? Well, of course, I say yes. So she is talking about her work (in politics) and I am really a-political, I am just NOT into it. And she is talking about how she wants to be in DC within a year and I am thinking “Wow, I hope I never took myself that seriously”. So thankfully, I think she realized that there was quite a difference, both in age and in personality. Yea, I am fun and huggable, but I like to live and living, in my humble opinion, is not about a job or career.

There have been a couple of others. One of which I think I may have scared off by telling her that she could come meet me on Sunday morning for coffee, the paper and conversation (which is ALL I wanted). Then there was this woman who contacted me and gave me her and her partner’s email addresses and said that she was with the most wonderful woman in the world and wanted us all to get together and then shortly thereafter, contacted me and said, “We are having some trouble and I don’t know where our relationship is going. Best of luck to you”. Then, POOF, gone.

There have also been a couple of successful pairings, if only for friendship. I spent a couple hours talking to a woman last night. We told stories on ourselves and laughed and I think we both had a really good time. I am a bit worried because she is already calling me babe and darlin’. But I think she is harmless (and 2000 miles away).

I have actually spent a LOT of time emailing someone that is geographically closer (within 3 hours) and have had a wonderful time getting to know her. She is smart and funny and I think we get each other. We have a similar background in regards to religion growing up and where we are now. And it actually appears that she gets along with her family about as well as I do mine (which is not so well). I am actually going to go and meet up with her this weekend. I am a little scared that we may not get along as well as I think may be possible, but who knows? We spent about an hour on the phone on Monday. There were lots of laughs and only a few moments of pregnant silence when it appeared neither of us had anything to say. I will see if that persists, or if it was just the “first real conversation” jitters.

It’s different face to face. You get the interaction and the eye contact. You get to see the little mannerisms that you don’t know are there. It has been a VERY long time since I have been on the dating scene (and the time that I spent on it before was very limited), so I don’t know that I really know how to do it. Time will tell. My next post may be one of utter despair that my meeting didn’t work out very well or who knows, maybe I’ll go rent a U-haul for the second date.

Long Time Gone

Yes, it has been two years since I have posted anything here. A lot has changed for me in those two years.

I am now single. I won’t go into the gory details here. It will just have to suffice to say that I made some big mistakes and was not very willing to deal with some issues that needed my full, undivided attention.

I am no longer working second shift. Yes, I have made that nasty change and have to get up at 5AM on a daily basis. It’s like I am back on the farm again. I am sure glad someone found caffeine and the FDA didn’t feel the need to ban it. I sure look forward to that coffee to jump start my day.

I am back on the dating scene. I think this may be what I am going to expound on today. Let me back up a moment by saying that I am a fairly shy individual outside of the blogosphere and the net and I lived in very rural Wisconsin for most of my life. I also tried very hard to be straight almost all of my life and while I got along great with the guys that I knew, none of them wanted to date someone who could talk farming and cars like they could. And rural Wisconsin definitely is not a place where there are a lot of “out” lesbians. Let’s just suffice it to say that I don’t have a lot of dating experience.

Those of you who know me, and if you don’t know me personally you can probably tell by my picture, know that I am not very feminine. I don’t look feminine. I don’t act feminine. I don’t sound feminine. But, I am attracted to feminine women. See, this is where I start having trouble. Unless I see the signs on a feminine woman (rainbow garb, flirting with other women, etc), the gaydar just doesn’t work very well on feminine women. Yup, I can spot a dyke from a mile away and so can most people, but trying to pick out the one out of ten women who are gay in the feminine realm it next to impossible unless they make the first move. And, my friends, they just aren’t moving towards me.

I went out to one of the gay friendly establishments here in town with a friend a couple of weeks ago and we played pool for a long time. I was watching the people come and go and saw a greater number of straight people in this bar than gay people. I am not sporty and I don’t want to play softball. I just don’t know where to go to meet people.

So here I sit. Single: Trying to figure out what to do and how to get myself out there to meet more people. I am open to suggestion. . . really.