Not Myself (or Why I really Still DO Need my Antidepressant)

Yes, Stephanie, I am still alive.

My absence from posting has been twofold.

The first reason is that I (actually we) have been very busy; Remodeling, working, riding bike, holding the couch down, etc.

We are actually done with the remodel and have been enjoying it for about three weeks now. The next room to be done is close on the horizon. We have the bug and will not be able to stop until the entire house has been transformed from that of an 80 year old woman (complete with long beige draperies and paneling) to OURS.

Work has been hellish. It's quarter end, you know. It has been busy and ugly and I have a boss that doesn't do much. I have another boss who has been pusing me to apply for a high stress opening dealing with international shipping. So, I submitted a resume and cover letter for this job and then withdrew it because I just didn't want the job. I also have a couple of people that I have to babysit on a nightly basis because they are too immature to handle themselves in a full time work situation. All that makes for one UNHAPPY girl.

I got my tax return from good old Uncle Sam. I also have carpal tunnel. I love to ride my bike, but the carpal tunnel makes it difficult and painful to ride a regular bicycle. So, put one and one together.

Extra moola in hand + sore hands riding an upright bike =
the decision to buy a recumbent.
I found a nice one and bought it a week later. So we have been spending as much time as possible on the bikes.

The second reason for my lack of posting is that for about a week, I forgot to take my anti-depressant. Now, I knew that I needed to take it. I just forgot that I hadn't taken it. It's kind of a strange thing. I suppose that subconsciously, I had decided to get off it for a while to see what happened, but I really hadn't planned that.

The result. I HAVE NOT BEEN ME for the last two weeks. I am not my normal, laid-back self. I am quick to anger at everything (including my partner for no good reason). My pen (that I had not told Julie was one that I wanted exclusively) came up missing. I got angry. Someone didn't give me enough information. I got angry. No one would answer me on the two-way radio at work one night. I got REALLY angry. Fortunately, my love has been very patient with me and sometimes interceeds at work. She knows that when I get really angry I start to cry and she doesn't want that to happen there. She also knows that this is not the real me.

So, I am back on my meds and I am starting to feel more like myself every day. I have also learned that as much as I would like to NOT have to take my meds, I still need them very much. And hopefully, I will be back to regular blogging soon. You still have not met all my kids, and it's about time.